The entire time I've been in therapy I have fought against getting attached to my t or wanting a relationship with her - because I just knew deep inside that she would never reciprocate my feelings, and even if she did, it would never match my own attachment to her.

I was also afraid that if I got attached, I would need more than she could give me in the 60 minute session. Then I'd end up with her not being there when I needed her. And then I would feel hurt and abandoned. then I would tell her, only to find out that my expectations were excessive and unreasonable in the first place. Which would then lead me to feel even more guilt and shame than I already felt in having to ask for help in the first place. That would lead me to back off and detach from her, at which point she would encourage me not to detach. So I would start to trust and come closer again, only to end up needing too much from her again and being disappointed and, eventually, hating my needs.

Which is exactly how I felt with my mom. That my needs were a pain in the butt and an unnecessary intrusion into her day.

From my experience, I would say that the therapy relatiosnship IS the most important thing. And while it has helped me tremendously in some ways, it has been excrutiatingly painful in other ways.

Every couple of years or so, things get so hard in t that I seriously consider quitting.