I'm kind of at a crossroads at this time. I don't really know what to do about therapy. I have not gone to see my T in about 2 months. To be honest, a big part of me doesn't want to and is a little intimidated at the prospect.

What I'm wondering is: what keeps you guys going to therapy?

I'm just so torn in all of it. I have seen what I'm like when I get fully invested in the process. I don't really like the me that I become. I don't really want to need it so badly like I did at different times in the past. I don't like the drives home where I obsess over everything that was and wasn't said; all of the things that the T could have meant by different things that they said.

I don't like the days of "getting over" a therapy session, then only followed by the day or two of mentally preparing for one (or getting excited about one). It seemed that my life revolved around it.

I just don't want to "be" a mental illness 24/7.

Here's the rub: I feel like I probably need some sort of therapy. I just never want to live it again. I think that is why I have been totally unable to connect with my current T.

How do you guys balance this? Are you able to all of the time?