I don't think it will help for us or for you to judge yourself. What I'm hearing is you are struggling and scared to keep pushing through therapy and giving up on the ED. That push and pull seems to happen to everyone I know engaged in therapy. I don't think you've ruined anything though.

Do what you need to help yourself- call your therapist back, many people have done it to her before if she has been practicing for any length of time, it's alright. If you do need another resource instead of her, and you're sure of that, maybe she can still help you- my only suggestion is just to move forward, take action for yourself.

As long as you keep trying you're no failure.

My current motto for myself is "Try. Fail. Try again, fail better." Sometimes... that's how it is, but all the trying is progress.