So I have had something happen recently that has been very difficult.

My abuser started appearing in my head about a month ago, very vivid images, and very very creepy. Because he is dead, my youngest alter was convinced that he started haunting us. I know that this isn't true because it is coming from inside me. He answers every question that I ask, and has a respons and reaction to everything my T says. This is all coming from my head, the same way all the other alters' voices do.

The only issue is that this is very scary stuff. It's like he is here to try and prove to me that I am just like him, to make me as terrified as possible. He always seems to know exactly what to say to unnerve me the most. When asked why he's here, he responds that I want him here, I want him watching me, I want to be just like him. When I tell him that none of that is true, he says that if I didin't want him here, he wouldn't be here. He'd go away if I didn't actually want him there. This goes on and on until I find a way to stop talking and block him out. I know in my head that what he is saying is not true. I know he is voicing all of my deepest fears, and that none of it is based in reality or truth. But it's scary stuff.

What makes it so difficult is that it's new. He's brand new, and I haven't developed an alter in about 10 years. I'm worried that just when I'm starting to heal, develop healthy coping skills and have integrated a couple parts, I'm just adding a new one to the mix.

My T thinks he is an introject of my fear of becoming like him, but it doesn't make things less difficult.

I want to believe that this is here because a part of my finally feels safe enough to admit to this fear and knows that I have the support finally to work through it all. But it is so scary to have that constant reminder, that I dont' know.

How can I learn to stick up for myself and not take what he is saying to heart?


IJ