Quote:
Originally Posted by Webgoji
In my quest to dig myself out of my self-loathing, I've been reading quite a bit on how to develop self-esteem. The thing I keep running into is that each step or bit of advice seems to hinge on acceptance from others. This seems so completely counter-intuitive to me.
For example, if a person sets a goal to accomplish X in Y amount of time and they do it, then they should reward themself. So they have a Coke or something. Then person B berates them for bad eating and getting fat.
The point of the exercise then makes the first person feel worse rather than better. It goes on and on. It seems like unless you're 6 years old on a recreational soccer team it's impossible to have your time in the sun. Someone will be upset with you because you're blocking their sun.
I just don't understand how this is supposed to work? Does anyone have any solid advice on how to develop self-esteem that can't be just shot down or maybe I just need to pick up my coat and disappear?
|
I have not seen that kind of discussion of self-esteem.
To me the key is self-acceptance. I recently came across a good phrasing that really encapsulates it for me: "Even though I have this (fill in the blank) . . . I fully and profoundly accept myself." The fill-in could be your personality, neurosis, weakness, fat, history of whatever, you name it - any aspect of yourself that triggers the loathing. But, you know, we are all just humans. We aren't superfantastic, even though some people appear to have fantastic success and PR. We all have flaws. So wherever you are, whatever stage, it starts with acceptance, and acceptance will go a long way to seeing you through life and not wasting your energy bashing yourself. I don't know if that's self-esteem by definition, but it works for me.