I know how you feel, and it's actually good we can feel bad about this so we can try not to let it happen again. I have gone off at my wife, and my children who I love more then life itself. It's even worse when you go off on a child. You can never apologize enough, all we can do is try to make sure it doesn't happen again. Meds help yes, but we also need coping skills too! I understand you did not see it coming, and during those periods you can even feel like it's not you and your watching a movie. It's hard accepting we can have a really dark ugly side. You deserve some credit for manning up to this. I wish you the best of luck, and no your are most certainly not alone on this!