thank you guys for responding...
Rap-yes i have tried to cope and slow down my SI...my boyfriend and i have decided everytime i feel the urge i tap him on the face...orginally i was just to tell him however saying it out loud just made me uncomfortable so now its just hand motions..which is good...also getting on here is another way i try and cope...watching tv and other stuff...just sometimes its too much to handle...im sorry please dont hate me for that...i know everyone is trying to listen to me and help me stop and i just want you guys to know how much i do try and how much i do appreciate it..please dont think i dont try...please dont think im a failure or a loser or a hopeless cause...i just dont have a therapist yet...and im trying to fix that..im hoping that when i get one he will help me stop all together...but things are too scary right now...im trying but im just soooo scared to stop...im afraid that if i stop i might go mad...completely insane, not that im not right now..who knows but thank you...if you guys need anything pm me as well