Quote:
Originally Posted by I.Am.The.End.
I realize that I'm obsessed with the idea of sex/intimacy and I have been since I was a teen. Its been weighing on me more and more for years. And I feel like kicking myself for not going along with the opportunities to have sex that I had as an undergrad. I just thought that I'd be in a relationship someday and I didn't want to have sex with some random person that I wasn't attracted to or really interested in. So it seemed like the right choice at the time, but now I'm not so sure.
And couple the obsession with anxiety having to do with touch and discomfort with sex becoming "real" I'm not sure I can explain that. I obsess about it and think about it all the time (so it's a fantasy and not real) but anything that shows that it's a real thing (like say seeing a condom with I'm not expecting it) can send me into a catatonic state and I can just freeze and lose time. So does that mean I'm only obsessed with the fantasy and I'm not actually interested in actually having sex? And how do you satisfy a fantasy? I find porn repetitive and boring.
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It could mean a lot of things. And one thing that toubles me is how incredibly hard you're being on yourself. You keep saying that someone wouldn't sleep with you unless you paid them... I find that so hard to believe. One thing that will help in meeting others to become more intimate with is to start being more confident in yourself. Working on the inside is the most important piece of this puzzle, but why not also go get your hair done? A good cut can work wonders to make you feel sexier. You could join a gym. Even with no weight to lose, the exercise can release endorphins (making you happier), and you can find confidence in the fact your doing something to be healthier. You are beautiful. Everyone is in some way. Don't give up on yourself. So many on this board (myself included) haven't.
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