Feeling weird. it started earlier...it's kinda like you're watching your life happen. i had a running dialogue in my head the whole time i was interacting with people.

and i feel the tears will be coming soon too.

does anyone get physically ill with their BPD? i do. it started a few years ago during my break down. Every morning i would wake up hacking, coughing and almost gagging at the thought of going to work. it was horrible. it was like a 15 minute routine every morning without fail. when i stopped going to work (went into the hospital and was out on FMLA) it went away.

now i just have nausea when i get real nervous. Lately though the gagging has been showing up...not because of work, just because of life.

lol, this wasn't even what i planned on this post being about about.

i just feel so out of it. Like i'm looking through my eyes and it's like i'm inside a costume or robot or something...i'm describing this all wrong.

i can clock out from work now, i know i'll cry when i get in my car...i fear i won't make it out to the car before the tears start to fall. i feel very empty and alone.

so disjointed...

thanks for listening