Your grandma sounds a lot like my mom, I have lately been thinking she has some narcissism. I definitely understand and have had to deal with her for way too many years. More recently I generally try to limit conversations with her to once a week or less if I can. It's still more than I'd like it to be. She also loves to tell people slight comments others make about them, she makes it sound more serious than it actually was. I guess she thrives on conflict and making people feel miserable. Unfortunately, she talks to my mother in law too often and tells me little things she says, I really wish my mother in law wouldn't talk to her but not much I can do about that I guess.

My oldest son can be quite a pain too. I paid for his gastric bypass surgery and he has the nerve to tell people I've never said I love him which is not even true but really 20,000 dollars to save his life says nothing. Also after traveling 100 miles to babysit for his foster kids for two days his wife told some people I slept all day and didn't feed them probably after she coerced the four year old to say that. His wife generally spends at least a week in the hospital per year, hope she can find someone else to watch the kids. I love the kids especially the baby but I'm not going to put up with people saying that about me.

To top that off my mother in law always wants to be babied and when I mentioned it to her she started crying and equated it to my husband not calling her very often. I also tried to set up a day for the Christmas get together so my 20 year old could make it but she made it sound like a separate visit with us would be too much trouble for her. My husband's stepsisters family gets preferential treatment when it comes to scheduling such things. I ended up in the hospital for the week of Christmas with a breakdown so I definitely get what you are saying.

I hope this makes you feel less alone in dealing with such toxic family members. You are definitely right in limiting your contact, it's not quite so easy when it's an aging mother and I do believe she is getting worse with age.