I get bored a lot. I went over to a friend's but she was passing out so I went to the beer store for some cigs and cider so that I could have a reflective writing night. I'm poor and shouldn't be walking alone at night, but whatever. I ended up on the other side of the neighborhood and then hanging with a guy I know. We were talking about personal **** but I figured it was cool because he was too. Then he said, don't take this the wrong way, but I recognize manic depressive behavior in people. I confessed. We chilled and then he left. Idk how I feel. I'm not ashamed of my illness, but I'm sad that I can't be anything but it. I thought that I was being so good. Maybe I'm in a hypo manic episode. I've suspected it, but I was so sad earlier today. I thought that I was being good. Everyone kept inviting me to a show at my ex's and I refused because I didn't want to get sad and drink too much. Idk how I'm feeling. Defeated, I guess. I thought that I could pull off normal.

I bought a beer for writing. I think I'll leave it for tomorrow :/