The job that I was at for almost a year ended on a mutual note the end of June. I felt it coming because I had called the "employee hotline" number regarding a couple of sexual harassment issues, and no matter what the higher ups tell you, they don't like the calls.

My stress level has gradually been increasing over the last several months since my last surgery, and going back to work one week later. As usual, it has made my self realize my value lies in what I can do - there is no time to take care of myself.

Fortunately, the next day after this mutual separation occurred, I stopped in where I used to work (a fast food chain for about 2 years) and they told me that they wanted me to come back. Now right before I had my last surgery I had accepted their offer and had been planning to start back there. After the surgery, trying to keep up would have been impossible.

I was astonished. I had called and explained things after my surgery (they had my management shirts in and everything already, waiting on me) but figured I had blown it. Long story short, I had the job again the next day.

This is only my second week back with this franchise. It is a million dollar store and one hour of sales is usually over $1000. I am no longer on salary, paid hourly so I knew that I would have to get a second job.

The DM talked to me on Sunday and told me that they want to control my time and not have to worry about working around another schedule. I agreed (foolishly) to work 60 hours a week (one day off per week). I have to make a certain amount of money to pay the bills here and this does it........a second job would have been basically the same amount of hours but running from one job to another. Now I'm just limping slowly to one.

I am constantly moving, and not slowly either. They have me traveling between locations (and no longer in my town - 45 mins. away). This franchise's territory is not "near" me. My back is in such pain, both of my knees are swelling daily and burning inside, my numb left leg is beyond description. Plus both of my hands can not grasp things tightly and I have extreme pain in them. My doc told me that it is tendonitis in the one hand.

I no longer have insurance.........Cobra is expensive and sucks. I've cut back on my meds to conserve so my mood swings are having a blast.

Then the waiting list that I was on for a psychiatrist (since last April) finally called. I went on the 12th (after my doc asked me to please be nice and cooperate) and saw a pdoc.

He did agree that the abrupt way my former T just cut off all communication with me was wrong and totally against all DBT techniques. He was surprised that I had read Marsha Linehan's book in it's entirety - asked my opinion actually.

The best thing is that he gave me some samples of my meds so I am back up to where I am supposed to be. I have agreed to go back in a few weeks.......but I also told him point blank that the odds of him getting below my surface is slim to none, esp. after what happened with my former T.

With all this and the 60 hours of work, my mind and body are giving out on me. I am never home and hurt so badly when I do get back, that I just want to lay down and can't........because everyone here wants me to do something for them.

I see my doc tomorrow again about my left hand, going to mention my knees to him, and my back.........I applied for assistance with my medical bills, and those lovely people told me I make too much, but may be eligible only for this month.....so I'm trying to fit everything in that I can.

[phew] Sorry for such a long post, and thanks to all that actually read all the way through...........

Back to my blanket........



Money changes people just as often as it changes hands.
~ Al Batt