I often feel I need to make a new start as well. Being near my family has kept me stuck in my dysfunctional family role of the lost child. I have 4 older sisters, 3 of whom are much older. It's not their fault, they don't do it on purpose. It simply is what it is. But it really hinders my recovery from being shame-based and learning to truly live instead of merely existing. The other side of it is my parents are elderly and don't have many years left. I can't imagine leaving the area and abandoning them when they most need the help from their children. I have one sister who moved to Europe over 10 years ago. My mom often laments how she doesn't think it's fair for her to only see her granddaughter once or twice a year. I admit I do hold some resentment against my sister for that. She is closest in age to me (3 years older) and also "checked out" emotionally and physically in her early teens from the chaos of my dad's alcoholism. I guess I felt abandoned back then too when I needed my big sister and she was away most of the time drinking and drugging with her friends. I was left as the only child to stand up to an angry, drunk monster who bullied my mom. 30 years later, I still very much feel like that boy caught in no man's land.