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it is just that I cannot seem to make them vanish and to leave me and my life alone.

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You can't imagine how much I DO understand this....... I'm the same..... for me- sometimes I can escape from it for a bit then -wham!! it's back, tormenting me and trying to bring me to such a low and dark place.

I'm usually very silent when I'm feeling the "upset", as my past was such that I would be emotionally and sometimes physically abused for voicing my feelings. It can be difficult to express myself, as the memories bring back the fear of pain.
But sometimes-- helping someone else, like you, causes me to ignore that fear, reach out and give those feelings a voice.

I'm sorry you are having a rough go of it at the moment and that the past can sometimes be such a heavy weight.

mandy