Quote:
Originally Posted by nevergoodenough
A lot of the time in therapy when my therapist asks me a question I feel like my mind goes blank and I say I don't know. I have told her about this but still I know it's frustrating. Like I am miserably depressed, but at the same time I feel like I'm all shut down and apathetic and it's hard for me to make an emotional connection and answer her questions. I have been socially anxious and extremely shy since I was a child, so perhaps that adds to the confusion in conversations. I feel like if I had a blank document in front of me I could sit in front of the screen and type for hours because my thoughts are so loud but then when I have to bring them out loud I just can't think of how to word it or my mind just shuts down and I forget or... can't draw specific examples to my mind. Like for instance, my therapist will ask me, when's the first time you had a negative thought about your body...? And I'm just sitting there thinking in a jumbled up way that I've always had low self confidence but I couldn't really think of how to answer it so I just said I don't know. Because I can't remember the first time. I don't know, perhaps something wrong with my memory or I'm just apathetic. But does anyone relate? I hope this makes sense... it's such a hard feeling to express...
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omg, this is SO ME. i say that ALL THE TIME in therapy. i sound like a broken record, and i am sure it must be frustrating. my T said last time i saw her that me saying "i don't know" keeps me in a safe space, where i don't have to explore anything painful, and i guess she is right. i genuinely don't know when i say it, but my brain does the same thing, it goes completely blank and i can't think a single thought to answer the question she asked me. She mostly stopped asking me "where in your body do you feel that?" because i was so frustrated that i couldn't answer that question. It is interesting because my first therapist never said anything to me (in all the 5 yrs) about my constant "i don't knows." Then this T busted out with this tiny bit of insight.