Thickntired gives some great advice. At one point in my sobriety I had 9 years in...& had a relapse. I don't even count my sober time anymore, as I've discovered that the only day we have control over is today...In other words, one day at a time. I read a statistic once that stated only 5% of alcoholics maintain continuous sobriety once they stop the drink/drugs. If these statistics are to be believed, you're not alone. Although I attend AA, I can relate to your social anxiety preventing you from attending meetings. There are times when I'm depressed or hypomanic that I stop attending. You're not alone there either. Good luck on your journey to abstain one day at a time. Don't beat yourself up.