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First of all, I'm not sure if it's OK to post about friendship on here or not, so if it's not, please let me know where to post threads about friendship issues. Anyways, my best friend of three years has been more distant from me lately and I'm not sure if it has more to do with her or me.
I don't know how to deal with her behaviour w/o coming across as to "needy" or "dependent" on other people as she put it a few times when I got upset at her for not being as responsive as I'd like her to be. Now the only time what we talk on the phone is when she is picking me up or when she has a major issue that she has to talk about right away. It almost always involves a guy, ugh! I was never pushy, I just got asked her a few times why my calls almost always went to v.m, etc....
Anyways, last year was the worst year of her life. Her soon to be ex cheated on her with two different women, she has been out of work for almost a year, she's totally broke, she is single, desperate for a man, and very unhappy about it. She told me that she NEEDS to have someone to love and hold her, and that w/o love, she'd shrivel up and die. She is also desperate to have kids and get married. To top that off, she was diagnosed with type 2 diabetes this year.
It's more under control and she is getting help from a family member to pay for insurance. Also, her dad is helping her cope with it. She is not close to her mom since she thinks her mom is nuts, but she is close to her dad and her uncle. Still she is in a panic that she'll end up alone when they die.
OK, the issue is that she tends to ignore me more often now. She obviously can't go out as much now because she's so broke that she has to eat at her mom's place everyday, but it seems as if she's avoiding me at times. She is acting a lot more distant since her bad luck started.
She doesn't call or email me as much and I'm always the one who wishes her a Happy B-day, Christmas, or New Years day now. For my B-day for the last couple of years, I got a text from her half an hour before midnight! She wasn't even that busy or working at the time!
I felt insulted! I didn't make a big deal out of it though. Then it took her months to give me a B-day & late Xmas gift. I don't expect much, but a call would've been nice. The gifts seemed like an obligation to her. She told me that she wasn't aware that we were exchanging gifts that year.
She did go out with her two friends from h.s that she is much closer to that she never introduced me to. She got gift certificates for them although she claimed to be "broke". That hurt my feelings but I let it go. She expressed interest in meeting my friends who are a little older, and one of them works at a company that she wants to work at, but my friend told me that her resume is really crappy and that she doesn't want to waste her or my friends time trying to help her as the company that she works for is extremely hard to get a job at. We both also suspect that she is more interested in using my friend to network which isn't cool. She doesn't have much in common with my other friends anyways.
Sometimes I feel like she might be jealous of me since I'm married w/o kids, and I don't have to work. My husband is pressuring me to find work, and I will try to find work soon. Finances aren't the best for us, but we did get to take a nice trip to an exotic location last year. Also, I have other friends that I go out with a couple times a month. I still have money to buy nice things once in awhile. I also weigh less that her, but I'm far from being thin.
Could she be avoiding me for some reason such as jealously? Also, she rarely compliments me on anything anymore. I always dress nice and she usually just wears t-shirts and sweats usually. I heard that when friends are jealous of one another, they avoid the people who make them feel bad about their lives. I have been nothing but nice to her, so I don't get this! I asked her twice already recently about hanging out sometime and I got NO response from her regarding that.
Oh, she did invite her h.s friends over for steak when she was "broke" and she never invited me to dinner. Again, I let it go. She is almost 40 and only a few years younger than me, but she seems immature and thoughtless at times.
What is going on here? Am I being to sensitive? Am I expecting to much from her and being too "needy"? Any insight would be appreciated! Also, if she keeps this up, what can I do and say that won't push her away or make her upset? We did get into one fight last year that occurred due to me being annoyed at some of her behavior. I worded things poorly, so she ignored me for almost two months until I apologized to her twice. Ugh!
BTW, she knows all about my anxiety and depression, and sometimes I wonder if she tries to keep her distance from me because of how I am although she seems OK with my issues. Outwardly, she is very upbeat, outgoing, and bubbly. She does talk excessively about her problems and obessesions with her ex b.f's and getting a guy which is very annoying. She rarely asks me about how I am anymore. I'm trying to give her the benefit of the doubt, but I'm really starting to get frustrated with her! Please help!
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