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Jan 03, 2014, 04:51 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by midnightmay
Five years ago, I was a social butterfly and constantly surrounding by loving family and friends. I was pretty popular as far as middle schoolers went. Now, I am aware that popularity is superficial for the most part, and that it doesn't dictate your self worth.
However, increasingly over the years I have lost friends by the dozen, even new ones that I've recently made. It seems as if every relationship I try to enter into fails miserably, no matter how close I am to that person.
I am trying to reach out. I am trying to become close or closer with the people around me, because in the back of my mind I know that there is a chance for me to find happiness in friendship. Whenever I try to talk to someone, though, they always shut me down.
When I say 'always', I mean it. I've had countless date cancellations, "we should hang out sometimes" without there ever being a 'sometime,' even if I do consciously try to make an effort to get to know said person.
I don't know, I guess that I just don't know what to do at this point. Is it just me? Am I simply an unlikable person? I certainly feel like I'm just being a nuisance to everyone around me, but I cannot be sure.
How do I stop being so lonely all of the time?
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Hi, sorry to hear that! You sound a lot like how I can be at times! I too tend to take rejection personally. It sounds like you're young, so if you are, that's one of the reasons you're friendships and dating life isn't so great. Most people tend to be more flighty and shallow when they're younger. Not everyone, but a lot of them are.
Perhaps those so called friends of yours were not really your friends all along. Maybe they just thought of you as a classmate or acquaintance instead, so they felt no need to really keep the connection there once you no longer had mutual friends in common. Popularity is overrated anyways. A lot of popular people are fake and once you loose your social status in some way by falling out of favor with one of the people in your group, the whole group tends to follow the leader. Have you tried talking to these people to see why they stopped talking to you? If not, you should at least try to clear up any misunderstandings or try to get some answers.
Most people are like pack animals. They find safety in groups and will often exclude new comers from their group if they're insecure or just plain unfriendly and scared of change. It usually has very little to do with who you are are as a person. Screw them. Who needs fake friends who'll drop you for no reason when all you've ever done is try to be nice to them?
Also, perhaps you might be making yourself appear to be to needy to some people. I'm NOT saying that you are that way since I don't know you, but I have been in similar situations. If you're to nice and accommodating to some people, they'll either take advantage of you and your kindness, or they'll think that maybe you're to desperate for their acceptance. Never be to eager to please other people.
As for guys, well, younger guys tend to be wishy washy and immature usually. Most of them aren't really looking for a serious relationship when they're young. Unfortunately they're usually just after sex. Never make yourself to available to any guy as most guys like the thrill of the chase, so play a little hard to get and don't always text or call guys back right away. Do more research into that and you'll understand why they are that way.
Nice girls tend to finish last too. I'm not saying stop being a nice person, just don't expect everyone to like you all the time. That will never happen. No matter how nice you are to people, there will always be people out there that don't want to be your friend or who will end up not liking you for whatever reason.
Don't take rejection so personally, or at least try not to. Like I said, it's usually not about you, but more about the other person. The more different someone is from you, the less likely it is that you'll end up being close to each other most of the time. Just be yourself and don't care to much about what other people think. Once you do this, things will start to change for the better.
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