I saw T about 3 weeks ago, and the session didn't go really well. I left angry and frustrated. It was one of those sessions where T and I were at odds and locking horns. So I was apprehensive about today's session. Rationally I knew it would be fine; we rarely have those kinds of sessions, but I was still a bit worried about what was going to transpire today.

And of course, it was fine. Very helpful actually.

He started, as usual, checking my barometer so to speak. I haven't slept in two days and I've been off my food for over a week. Immediately he told me to call my pdoc, which I have done. He just called back and prescribed something for sleep. He needs me sleeping before I become manic. Hopefully that will get this under control.

He then brought up our last session. He asked what was going on with me that day, and I said I was overwhelmingly agitated. He agreed with that, saying I walked into his office agitated. He said in retrospect, based on how I'm doing now, he should have realized I was in a mixed state, heavy on the manic side. He apologized for missing it, but I so rarely present as manic that he just didn't see it for what it was.

We spent most of today's session discussing managing my bipolar symptoms. He believes I have been pushing myself so hard for several months with band, chorus, and holidays that I've wound up in this mixed state. My MO, he says, is to push myself beyond my reserves which inevitably drives me into a depressive (usually) or manic (occasionally) episode. T said it is vital I find a way to balance my life and prioritize my health over all else. That's not easy for me as I always put my obligations to kids, work, church, chorus first and fail to check in with myself. I need to flip that around.

None of this is new, but it was time to revisit the facts. It was helpful to put things into perspective. In the end, we apologized to each other for being so out of sync last session. He sat next to me and held my hand for a bit while we talked and gave me a big hug before I left. That was nice and reassuring to me. Very unusual for him to be physically demonstrative, but it was entirely warranted and appropriate in the context of the session as a whole.