So I ventured out of my room for a bit to see my Mum. Took Maxy cos he doesn't really like being cooped up in my room all the time, even though he's being really good about it. She keeps asking me what's wrong and I keep saying "nothing", though it's obvious that something is up. She said that if she knew what was wrong then she could help, but I said that no-one can help. Then she brought up about when I was sectioned and she told me that would happen and I didn't believe her. And she said that if I don't stop staying in bed, then she'd have no choice but to ask for help from the CMHT. So I told her that they wouldn't help me anyway, so there was no point.

I didn't really appreciate being threatened with the CMHT and/or hospital. And I don't really get why she thinks they would care even if she did ring them!? I get that she's worried because I'm staying in my room all the time, but I don't see what talking to her (or Dad) about this will achieve. If I tell them I want to die, that's not going to make them worry any less! So it's best I just keep my mouth shut, right? Especially if she's going to repeat it all to the psych idiots, which is what usually happens. I know that she's hurt that I won't open up, but it's not going to make me feel better, it's not going to change anything, it's not going to magically 'fix' me, so why burden her with it? She's already ill with some liver problem right now that the doc wanted to admit her for, but she refused, so I don't want to make her worry more.

*Willow*