Hi Freewilled, I think your first point sounds more like grieving than dwelling in victimhood.

I think the phrase "play the victim" is a social construct, rather than a psychological one, that originates from misunderstandings or perceptions one has of another. This can happen when someone on the outside thinks that the victim-person is someone who has power (agency) but refuses to use it, while the victim-person (un/consciously) feels or thinks she is powerless (helpless).

The replies and the articles explain the psychological concepts, but I want to add that there is a spectrum to this from several angles. For one, there is a range from adaptive to maladaptive behaviors. People in the maladaptive range can really hurt themselves and others. There is another piece to this-when someone makes themselves a victim, there has to be a perpetrator/abuser on the other side. In this way, the accused can actually be the real victim, while the victim actually becomes the perpetrator/abuser. I'm not sure if I explained that well enough...

In addition to the behaviors, there is also a range of internal to external locus of control, and some people may act it out more than others.

My mother was a perpetual victim, and I had to deal with it all during adolescence, so I am really hypervigilant about this. For example, she blamed her children for ruining her life (as if we had any say in being born). I forgive her. She probably could not cope with her place in the world; it would have been too painful for her to acknowledge that she made choices but refused to do anything about it due to her unconscious needs (ie, need to be punished). Anyway, it gets really complicated.

How do they stop it? Probably by seeing reality instead of using denial. But many people will not do this own their own and will not change until another person or a therapist helps them realize what they are doing.