Granite, I think the observed behavior and the internal experience of an abused child can look like very different realities.
I have an abused child in my class right now. She has had observable injuries and has disclosed some physical and sexual abuse (we have reported them and her family is 'under the care' of the local authorities) but she is still living in the abusive environment. Until there is more evidence and someone is charged with her abuse there is little any of us can do except for give her safety, comfort and security at school. Unbearable, but true.
Her behavior at school is appalling. She is obviously a child in great distress, and it shows. She is angry, aggressive, and reactive, constantly attention seeking. We are aware of her extreme emotions every second of the day that she is at school.
However, we are looking at her behavior through the lens of her reactions to abuse. She is *so* afraid. In between her breaking things, hitting people, yelling and screaming, I see that she is constantly on the verge of tears. She is continiously engaged in this internal struggle of wanting to reach out, wanting desprerately to speak, to tell, and be comforted, and her fear of whatever threats she has been told will be carried out if she does. She is driven by this push / pull of her desperate need to be safe.
If she were to look back on her behavior now I would almost bet that she would remember herself as being alone and silent, because that is what seems to be driving everything she does - her inability to tell. This kid wants to tell so badly but is so, so afraid. That one need colors every single thing she does.
She is talking (yelling, screaming, raging) all the time, but she never says a thing.
Maybe it was like that for you too, but the teachers back then didn't know as much about abuse and its affects, and only saw the behavior. I see a little of my own child self in the girl in my class too.
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