Wow, thank you everyone!!!!! It means so much to me!!
I've been feeling so stuck and overwhelmed lately...feeling like I'm living on borrowed time and even if I should keep going. I haven't been suicidal in a long time, but I've been questioning if my being alive might cause harm to someone else = like if I burned down the building. I wouldn't want to ever hurt anyone. Thank you for giving me some good ideas on trying to communicate with my alter! I will try talking out loud to her and leaving her notes.
I do know why she's been coming out so much - thanks to my alter telling my daughter. She told my daughter that she's not going anywhere until I get my life together. Trying to get my life together has always been a struggle, but I had been making some progress until a few months ago (when my alter started coming out more). I know what's troubling me, but I'm not sure what I need to do to feel better...maybe one of you can help me?
My father was abusive when I was little, but I've always tried to have some kind of communication with him. When I told him I have DID, he told me that I might be possessed by demons (he's a Jehovah's Witness) and then he went on and on about how good his wife is (she has many mental health diagnoses and is in and out of the hospital). I told him I didn't want to see or talk to him again.
I'm having problems moving on from this...and I can't pinpoint why it's bothering me so much. I've thought of discontinuing contact with my father many times over the years, but I guess the idea of him not really supporting my feelings (and bringing the whole religion into it that I know he doesn't really believe in) and still supporting the feelings of his wife even though she has problems just really hurt me. I thought my dad would always be there for me...even in his own tiny way..., but after what he said I knew that was over. Maybe I just wanted to be the one to stop caring about him and I'm upset that he stopped caring about me first?? I'm not sure...all I know is I no longer truly have a father and it hurts more than I thought it ever would. I feel like I lost my last support...even though I never thought of him as a support before...it's just so weird. I feel like this shouldn't be bothering me as much as it is.
Does anyone have any ideas?