You are not alone in being a dichotomy of thoughts and opinions. I can easily argue voraciously both for and against a certain point of view or opinion on any matter. I see every argument from all sides with seeming clarity. I play the devils advocate to myself. You are certainly not alone you just need to determine which version is closer to your authentic self. Which one fits best with the overall design of what you value and believe. Not easy to do but its possible Keep striving!