Transference is VERY common in therapy. I can see why you don't want to open up to another therapist in fear that the pain you feel now will be replicated. But you need someone to talk you through these feelings. I would try and tell your therapist what you are feeling what fears you have. The therapist will be able to help you. If you can't tell them verbally, then write it down. I have found writing down my feelings really helpful. I think it would be good to remind yourself that you DON'T need him. I know it feels that you do, but you don't. You survived before him, you survived after him and will continue to do so.

I hope this helps