Thank you. I am not on any meds right now and until I asked I wasn't even having therapy. I have my first meeting with one of the psychologists next week and I will try to make use of it. I know exactly what you mean Sam, about wanting to die more just to stop the pain than to stop life.

It's difficult to see the point of talking to staff at the hospital, I have been faking smiles for so long that they don't want to hear the truth anymore. I try though, as hard as I can, to let them in. I think it might be better though to carry on telling them I'm not depressed, just tired, and my eyes are red because of allergies, not tears. If I keep saying that then in February I will be discharged. Into a foster placement. New start, new life, and the chance to get somewhere. Once I'm out I can find q decent therapist, and hopefully recovery will be more in reach. I'm just scared that once I'm out my illness will make me do something stupid before I can start to get help.

Anyway. I hope all of you find the strength to carry on yourselves. If you can find just one thing that means something to you, or one thing that helps, use it. Doctors and therapists and stuff might think they have all the support you could need, but in reality its us who end up doing most of the work. Good luck and thanks for the help xxxxx