(((((((((((guys)))))))))))))
thank you all.
your responses meant a great deal to me.

i had to deal with something at work on friday. talk to one of the guys here who is looking like a walking skeleton. the conversation really did not go well at all. i got really very drunk on friday night. spent all of yesterday recovering (i swear i was really very drunk / hungover all of yesterday too). i did some reading but couldn't think clearly enough to write.

i'm going to have to get out today. wander into town just far enough to get some groceries. there are storm warnings (summer thunderstorms) so hopefully i won't get caught. get into my work. need to do that too.

i decided... i'd just decided that after the shore stuff (in mouses thread) that... the attunement (empathy) when we did have a session was good enough for me to be able to put up with one hell of a lot of this kind of thing. also... the very first time i went to our session i very nearly missed the bus. that got to me a great deal because i was thinking that if i didn't manage to get there he would be thinking that i consciously / unconsciously didn't want to go etc. i guess i thought about whether he unconsciously didn't want to see me... but... i think it is okay. so i decided to go back (posts here really helped) then he called and left a message saying we migiht be able to reschedule for monday afternoon.

maybe...
he will let me know tomorrow / monday morning.

i'll try not to be too disappointed if it doesn't happen. of course... i will be disappointed.

it is just that if i beat myself up about feeling upset then i only feel worse. i'm not sure what is up with that. apparantly... some people have more 'ego strength' so they can take it. or less intense emotions. or something. i dunno. still half asleep. thanks guys.