Well, on the + side, you will be seeing him on the 17th so (with no malice or condescension implied) in contrary to your statement of no reason to hold on... you do in fact have that to wait for

I can't possibly imagine what it is like to be in your position as I have no children and I am with my wife... but with your admission to sabotage... well, having recognised it, isn't that a step towards moving forward?