I'm pregnant, off meds going on five months now, and i'm not okay. I don't have friends. I have family but I don't speak to them, and the only person in my life, my boyfriend, really has no idea how f*&ked up I am so I can't talk to him.
Recently someone in my family called me and decided to air out his personal demons and in doing so has completely derailed me. I'm like a train. I chugga chug whereever it is I'm supposed to. I am completely messed up on the inside so to get by I go through the motions of life. Then this bastard brings up all this crap from my childhood and I'm a bawling mess. constantly. And I'm having a really difficult pregnancy. No rosy cheeks and baby daydreams here. Lots of visits to the hospital from various complications and my doc is a callous sh*thead but i feel like i'm too far along to switch to someone else. And every day its eating away at me that i'm with this guy who has no idea how screwed up I am. I have these weird episodes nearly everytime we're intimate (sorry if that's too much info). sometimes i can't even remember the actual sex part one minute i'm with him and then i find myself crying and he's asking if i'm okay and i'm wondering if i need to be committed for something like that. ok sorry this is so long and whatnot. No one to talk to round here and i'm driving myself crazy.