I'm just recovering from a nasty bout of flu. Been bed ridden the last few day, had hardly anything to eat.

Just some old things have come back to haunt me. The human body, the design and everything related just repulses me. It's so weak and fragile, and for so long I longed for an escape. The reason I ask for an escape is a desire to be eternally youthful, removed of internal organs, perfection and safety.

It's something I know that's not possible of course.

I awoke a few nights ago ( Now things begin to get dark, so if you have a weak stomach I advise you to leave) and envisioned a monster. A 12ft clown, similar to Pennywise in appearance, a sadist, a demon. I envisioned all the different forms of torture it could inflict on me, and what it has done to others.

This clown drags you down a dark tunnel, full of chains and torture devices. It takes your internal organs out and keeps you alive as it plays with your insides. The end, you are nothing more then splattered meat scattered all above and below the walls. It does many sadistic acts, some are so brutal I dare not mention them.

The demon reminds me of the vulnerability of the human body. How pathetic and weak the human body really is, how mentally fragile we are. Humans are not strong. Angels are strong, Demons are strong, Gods are strong.

Humans wither and die, our bodies are filthy and decay, our organs are repulsive. Maggots crawl from us.

When I think of the human body I think, how is it possible to love what not is perfect?