I know it sounds silly doesn't it? It's not that I'm trying to go back to that place because I know when I'm there I hate being there and I'm so happy I'm doing ok at the moment. I think it's just that I'm not used to it cos I was in a dark place for so long on and off though out my life really and it's what I'm used to the most. I think it's a comfort thing I don't know, I must be confused...