Hello Bipolar 1, I am so sorry that you are feeling so bad. I can feel your pain through your words. I do know how you feel, and how it feels to be so consumed by emotion that you cannot see anything positive, present or future. I am sorry that I cannot take the pain away but I do want to reassure you that you are not alone, there are so many caring people on PC, that do want to help you come out the other side.