Confused.

I miss talking to T a lot. I want to go back and see her but I am scared because I don’t want to run out of things to talk about and have things end like they did last time. When I say run out of things to talk about I mean too scared to talk about what’s important. I have a heck of a time explaining my feelings to anyone. Its like I can tell about something but I don’t know how to tell how I feel. That makes it difficult for me to be in therapy. Things did not end badly. I was having a hard time finding things to talk to her about and I said I didn’t feel there is a point in coming anymore. She said we could take a break and I could come back when I am ready. I wonder if I am feeling this confusion because the door is still open. If the door was not open I think I would be ok…and because I feel like that I doubt my need to be in therapy. Am I just missing the relationship or is there stuff that my mind that needs to be sorted out?

Another thing is that I am scared of is getting too attached to her. I really like her and feel a connection with her but I have been burned in the past with a couple therapists with one quitting and one terminating me unexpectedly. I am not afraid of this one leaving but I'm scared of growing close to her and that is going to make it so difficult to leave her when its time. I cant feel that kind of hurt again.

I don’t know what to do ☹