This is so hard for you but it is not your fault. Can your current T help put you in touch with someone else so that you can process this. I think you will need to take time to find someone who hopefully won't move on and with whom you can start a new and healing relationship with. I'm so sorry this has happened. It is really tough and I feel for you. I am sorry I can't be more helpful. I am thinking of you. You will get through this.