This is excellent. Most, if not all, of us here truly have been the victim of someone else's cruelty, abuse, etc. just coming to the place of admitting to ourselves that we actually were victimized is a painful step for most of us.

The problem comes when we continue to believe and behave as if we are still powerless, helpless, have no control, have no choices, etc. in our lives. That is a kind of learned helplessness or internalizing of the victim role that keeps us frozen, stuck, immobile.

My T has many times reminded me that nothing that abusive is actually happening to me now. If someone tried to hurt me now, I'd fight back. I'm not the powerless child I was back then. I have choices, options, skills, control, knowledge now as the adult I am.

It is hard to stop believing we are still in the midst of being victimized and emerge on the other side. No one with any understanding of abuse, including our T's, believes this an easy process to accomplish, but they do have to remind us and work with us to sort reprogram our image/beliefs about ourselves if our lives are going to improve.

Perhaps you don't like the phrase "playing the victim", but try to rephrase it in your mind to something like "I'm acting/believing/thinking as if I am still being victimized" and perhaps that will feel clearer in meaning -- less negatively loaded. I'd also talk to your T directly about the use of that phrase if it is triggering for you. I'm sure you can arrive at an alternative.