Tonight's story: I'm actually in a really good mood. And have been fairly energetic the last few days. I'm starting to think (and somewhat hoping) that I am heading in to a hypomania - which tends to make me quite social and more confident. So that's my background for today.

I agreed to go out for drinks and maybe dancing with some people. Person B let me know that Person A was driving.. and Person A just lives down the street from me so I normally just walk over. When I text Person A to see what time she wanted to leave at to go pick up Person B... she let me know that she was already gone and was with Person C.

Last night while some of us were playing board games, I contested something that Person A went to negotiate and the others agreed with me - that's actually a HUGE step for me to voice a disagreement. And Person A was visibly pissed off with it and I'm assuming most of that is directed towards me. But whatever. At least I tried to go "whatever".

So tonight I went STRAIGHT immediately back to "Person A really doesn't like me and probably doesn't want me to go out.. and Person C I don't really think likes me and she's more Person A's friend... so I shouldn't go." And I didn't want to pay a cab both ways on my own as I expected I wouldn't go to the second location as I find it too sketchy.

But I didn't want to message Person B about this to see if she was still getting picked up or not. But Person B messaged and was like "well I guess I'm driving"... and then I jumped straight to "Person B's offering to drive because I don't drive, when I know that she wants to drink and doesn't want to drive".

So I said I decided against going out. I really wanted to go out... but I feel too guilty and like I did all sorts of things wrong. So I'm here at home and miserable by myself instead of being miserable and out.

I am so frustrated with my thought processes!

Do many of you react somewhat similar?