My husband is into cuckolding and I am having a hard time with it (we've only known each other for 15 months and married 6 months). I know...it was super quick. We just match in every way as far as work, life, and hobbies. I have a very high desire for sex (I'm 42 and have never desired sex as often as I do now).

I knew about the cuckolding when we were dating and I did the play along in the bedroom with telling him how worthless he is (even though it couldn't be further from the truth in my eyes - which is one reason it is so hard for me to do). Then last month, I actually fulfilled his fantasy and had him watch me with another man all the while saying horrible things about my husband while with the other man. There are 2 bad things that happened. I did enjoy the time because it was fulfilling my 3-way desire to be with 2 men. However, later that same night and ever since, I have felt so guilty. My husband sees it different that I didn't cheat, but in my heart and mind, I did and that is just not me.

Ever since then, he is even MORE obsessed. He's even got us online at dating sites trying to find another man for me that would partake in this activity and is constantly online watching porn with cuckolding. He has also started texting men from these sites acting like he is me telling them how bad "I" have it being stuck with / settling for him, etc (which he's almost making me feel that way all of a sudden).

I just want to talk to any other ladies that are in this situation (I know you exist). Please talk with me. Thank you.