I don't really know where to post this. Depression? Anxiety? PTDS? Psychotherapy? The mood seems to say to put it here.

So many boards and forums I visit or have visited seem to be primarily young people. I'm so glad that those people are reaching out at that time of their lives as they are trying to figure out who they are and what they want out of life, how to get to where they want to go, what's in their way and what to do about it.

I am not young.

So often I feel:

I don't fit in anywhere, here or IRL.

There is no point in trying; my life is already mostly over;

Although contentedness comes from inside, not outside, I feel like I'll never have those outside things that make life better: simple things like a car, washer and dryer. I feel ashamed I don't have the things that are so normal a part of most people's lifestyles. I feel even more shame that I had them and lost them;

I'm tired of struggling;

I'm weary from shame, from regrets, from confusion, from fear;

Life is hard, and ugly, and painful, and lonely, and disappointing, and cruel, and hopeless. This is the truth. And this is what connects us. And we can't move away from these things because they are always there in some form or another.

I try to contain these things, but sometimes I leak and they seep out.