It sounds like when you are being so emotional he does not know how to respond, men are not as emotionally tuned as women are and do not grow up being taught what to do with a crying woman demanding something from them they do not understand. It is like a foreign language. I would be thankful for the loving gestures when you are not so confusing to him (because you're asleep :-) I would talk to him without any demands, thank him for his care when you are exhausted, tell him you find such things sweet and would like more of them all the time, not just when you are not quite so scary to him?

No one takes the time for such gestures that does not care. He does care for you, just does not know how to interact with you. You have to teach him that, slowly, calmly, with his flaws in mind instead of what you want for you. Do you want him to be happy and enjoy life with you? That is what you have to work toward.