I lost my brother in August of 2012. A few days before my birthday.

After that, he was all I ever really thought about. Missing him, hating that he was gone, etc. It consumed me. I then understood as I was growing that I was beginning to "let him go". Because it felt right, and it felt safe to do so. Before I knew it was safe, I panicked and didn't want to, but I did.

Recently, I've realized that I don't think about him as I did. This is obvious to those reading this because as I said, I let him go. But I guess I didn't really compare how I was thinking to how I AM thinking. I feel as if I am being terrible because my thoughts wander. I don't think about him as I used to. I feel like I am just a horrible sibling because how do you think about anything else?

I don't know what to think of myself, really. I am trying to accept it but it's eating at the core of me.