Hey Soup, I feel sad you're going thru this rough patch. Sometimes things turn out less awful than we anticipate but you know yourself. My thought was to write about the the hurt, etc. that you are experiencing that is holding you back from therapy, that you feel unable to communicate in session. The act of writing might help in and of itself and if you can deliver it or mail it to T, all the better. Then T will know and you won't be so alone with it.