Yeah...I get that. When I was younger I think I was little in love with my depression. I romanticized it. It wasn't until I got older and really recognized how much damage it had done, when I could see all the bad decisions I'd made because of depression based thinking, when I had perspective on all the relationships it had destroyed or the other paths I might have taken if not for the depression...it wasn't until later in my life that I came to HATE it.

Depression is a monster. It's deadly (Google "More US soldiers dying from suicide than combat"). It compels adoration only because it's waiting for a moment to rip your throat out. You have to learn to hate it. Be as merciless and unrelenting in your pursuit of its destruction as it is in its pursuit of your destruction. Grant it no quarter, because it will show no mercy to you.