My family were and still are as cold as an ice box. Mom and Dad growing up, hardly ever hugged me or showed me any love. I know that's not an excuse to be moaning or to whinge but it's just the truth and I don't care what people say, lack of love when you're growing up really has an impact on you as you grow older. I am cold person because of how my parents lacked warmth towards me. Emotions did not happen in our house, we never talked about how we felt about things.
I am afraid to have a relationship with a woman for fear of showing coldness to her or any future family, I'd hate to repeat the same mistakes as my parents did to me. I have love to give but I just am afraid to show it, I don't know how to. Hugging kids would just seem so foreign to me, almost creepy. That's just fecked up really like, imagine not wanting to cradle your own child. Jesus.
All they had to do was to show some love. Maybe if they had to have a daughter, I'd have a sister, and then maybe I'd understand women better too. Sometimes it can feel so hopeless. I don't know how to express all this love that I have deep inside me that's dying to get out and be shared but my mind stops me, I know I can't be who I want to be.