Feeling for you, leeshygurl. Very confusing.

I agree with Perna, that a lot of his lack of loving reassurance when you most need it is because, as my T says, men "flood" easily- ie shut down or go blank in the face of strong emotion/s. My husband certainly does. And quite often, it seems, they really don't comprehend the emotional hurt, turmoil, need that we can feel in response to their not having been there for us etc.

I also agree with lightinthesky that it will be helpful to step back and just let yourself see what he does feel for you and just what you really feel for him.

Maybe a third party/counsellor could be needed to help you both explain and hear where each other's coming from, and perhaps there could be room to better accept each other even in the things you may not understand about each other.

Hope this time is fruitful and I wish you well