Dylan, my good man! Just think of the advantage you now have that your parents probably didn't have. Because they were cold to you, you know what that's like enough to know that THAT certainly isn't what you want to be. You have an awareness that there is another way of being where they probably didn't. But, with awareness comes choice. As Rose3 said, maybe your grandparents were just as cold you your parents who, in turn, are cold to you. You can choose to continue with this generational cycle of coldness or you can choose to break that cycle and be the person you actually ARE. Yes, you ARE filled with Love that's yearning to break out of that cycle of unhappy coldness. We all have the capacity and desire to give and receive Love. It's built into all of us. Don't let fear stand in the way of your happiness. That IS the one big thing that's blocking your way. You say you don't know how to express your emotions? Dylan, your emotions need no training or instructions on how to act. Your emotions are pretty darned good at expressing themselves all on their own thank-you-very-much. No, it isn't that you don't know how to express your emotions, it that you are letting your fear of the unknown, fear of looking foolish and fear of being rejected stand in the way of you allowing youself to come out from behind the dark curtain of fear and uncertainty.
As far as hugging your kids goes, once you unleash yourself and let out the real you, I'm sure that you'll find you'll be hard pressed to NOT hug your children... But, that's only if you allow the Loving person that's inside of you to break free and escape that miserable cycle of unhappy coldness that has plagued you your whole life.

Please, forget the "why's", the "wherefore's", the "what if's", the "if only's" and the "how come's" of how your parents treated you when you were growing up. None of those things matter any longer. They are ghosts from the past that can only haunt you if you allow them to. Put them behind you and move on. You are NOT that person! If you were, do you think you would have started this thread? No. You most certainly would not have. So, there IS the real you that's just waiting to set foot in that wonderous place where you can Love and be Loved in return.

Dylan, it isn't that you can't be who you want to be, because that person is already inside you. The question is whether or not you can learn to release your fear and BE the person you already are. If you have a T, talk with them about it. I'm sure they will be able to help you overcome the fears and uncertainties that are so prominent in your life right now.

I wish you contentment.
Dan