Thank-you all for your posts. They ALL make complete sense to me.
Yes Miguel'smom and A Red Panda - as I have to pay for it anyway, then it is true that I may as well go.
Hoppery - yes I can go and sit and say nothing, it won't hurt.
Bonnie Jean - I have written a lot in the past and it has been useful to me. But my T will not respond to me when I write things down anymore - I understand why. But yes maybe writing it down for myself will help the clarity.
Elliemay - cancelling vs terminating - I am not sure I know the answer to that question myself at the moment. And yes maybe if I had reassurance that it is OK to sit and say nothing, then that would help.
Mactastic - yes all those same issues that took me to see T are still there, maybe even more so now that the can of worms has been opened. Quitting therapy and doing nothing is not going to help.
Elsewhere - yes I am still processing the feelings. I think the issue is that they were triggered by T and maybe I am having difficulty talking to him about it as he is the "perpetrator" somewhere deep in my subconscious.
Readytostop - gosh 2 years!! I am that same broken record aren't I? And yes it is the same T. Ahhh!!!
Tooski - ha ha - thank-you - if only I knew how to make the font smaller, I would reply to you in a very small way
Nelliecat - thanks for offering to be a pocket rider
Stopdog - I wish I were more like you. You posts always seem so self assured and pragmatic to me. I wish I could assert myself in the way you do and see things clearly.
So what you have all helped me to decide, is that I will not make a decision today. I will try and write it all down, see how I feel tomorrow and if I decide to bite the bullet and go, I shall wait for you to jump in my pocket NellieC, try and talk about what I have written down, but if not leave it with T and if I decide to cancel maybe meet you for a coffee to celebrate Stopdog
but also drown my sorrows for wasting the money from the session. Yeah a plan!
Thanks guys you really have been so very helpful to me.