"Therapy" feels kind of like "education" to me so when I get confused I think about the educational "process" and find it easier to see. In fourth grade, you really have no clue what is going on? Looking back from 11th grade, you have a glimmer, you can see how they taught you stuff over time, without you actually knowing. There's a lot of going over and over things and practice doing pages and pages of math problems, writing too many papers, doing pop quizzes to see if you are paying attention, etc. Maybe once or twice a year you get an "a ha!" moment where you suddenly understand something and things make sense for awhile.

For me, process can feel like a tsunami until I "get it" and figure out I am supposed to surf and start trying to stand up on that board. At first it is just terrifying or confusing; it's too strange, too big, too new, too. . .not what one wants. It requires a perspective shift from "out there" where the waves are forming and one is trying to judge the waves to inside where one asks "what am I doing here?" and comes up with an answer that works and is workable. It's the point when learning to ride a bicycle that you and your body both "get" balance and you suddenly can work on riding well instead of learning to balance on this dang thing and being afraid you will fall?

I find it helpful when I am frustrated or afraid to realize it is just something larger that I don't see yet but that the process will probably kick in at some point and I'll understand better. Relaxing and "waiting" for that moment, expecting it instead of thrashing around worrying I'm going to drown lets the waves do their thing and I body surf by accident and suddenly understand something, get excited and try to reproduce that thing. Eventually I realize there's this cool board connected to my ankle by a cord and it's not an anvil like I thought