Huge hugs. It's okay to cry. It wasn't once, but it's better now. You will be okay. I've been there too, I know it's like an end-of-the-world, painful feeling, but... as much as I hate to say it... I think what you're doing right now is very healthy, the crying, and feeling out of control makes perfect sense. I hope you'll let her help you, though I know why and how hard it is, but a little help from her is still better than none I think, and she can help get you synced up with a new copilot Sweepy.