"Why can't I be okay?" is a question that resonates. The depression, for me anyway, can be crippling. Without meds I get to the point of barely functioning.

That being said, depression is a filter. A black lens through which we, as depressives, have to view the world and our place in it. It makes it so hard to see ourselves realistically...to have an accurate sense of perspective. You used "event horizon" in the context of simile about a black hole. That puts you intellectually and creatively forward of about 90% of the people I know. Not a judgment on them. Just an objective observation. Depression makes it hard to see that. Hell...being human makes it hard to see that (a closed system cannot accurately analyze itself). Unfortunately, having insight...having the gift to see what so many others can't...it can open you up to some harsh truths.

"When you have to attend to things of that sort, to the mere incidents of the surface, the reality—the reality, I tell you—fades. The inner truth is hidden—luckily, luckily. " Joseph Conrad, Heart of Darkness (he had depression too).

Be careful about relying on somebody else for your sense of who you are. I know...who could take that advice? It's in our nature...that incredible longing for connection. Romantic love. It's like...it's like a socially acceptable form of insanity...a palatable delusion...that we can get that sense of wholeness by establishing a connection with another mind, another soul. If you read up on the neuro-chemistry in relationships...about the inevitable cycles...about the cause of that sense of being ADDICTED to another human being...well, I don't know...it helps me cope with the realities of the human condition and the twin devils of that desire and its inability to be satisfied.

There are other forms of connection that are, less stimulating for sure, but also less dangerous. Friends. Family.

In short, remember the filter will keep you from seeing the facets of yourself that shine...but they are there. Beware the pitfalls of romantic love as a depressive. Do some research. Learn the truth behind the societal curtain (i.e. Love ala Disney...happily ever after).

Best of luck, one depressive to another.

Peace.