As most of us do, I go through times following a bad episode where I look back and feel completely disconnected from that person who was so ill that I required hospitalization, 24/7 supervision, etc. It doesn't even feel like that person was me.

My T and I were talking about that a few months ago because when I'm feeling well and stable I start getting that idea that I'm perfectly fine, I don't need medication, I'm not even really bipolar, etc. My T proposed that they should videotape me when I am at my worst: when I'm depressed and suicidal, when I'm hallucinating, when I'm pacing, when I'm out of control. And when I start getting tempted to quit my meds (which are very effective in keeping pretty darned stable most of the time), I should have to sit and watch that tape as a reminder.

We laughed about the idea, but he to some degree meant it. Not that he would ever do that, but that he wishes he had the ability to help me remember the reality of those bad times so I could avoid the whole denial problem.